A Directed, but Rather Open, Letter

Dear Peter,

We sort of know each other. I have read that a person in New York could get a letter to a stranger in Los Angeles using only 7 friends. They would form a chain with each person as a link to the next. How long have you been speaking English? Should I slow down?

Anyway, we sort of know each other because years ago, when you were first in Colorado, a friend of a friend stalked you one day. My friend was with her friend, who happened to be a huge Peter Forsberg, I mean "you" fan. So friend of a friend held my friend hostage and made her drive the car while FOAF took pictures. My friend said that FOAF forced her to follow you for like an hour. It wasn't until my friend convinced FOAF that you were calling the police on your cell, not Joe Sakic, that she let my friend stop following you.

There you go, we know each other! Practically family, right? So I say this as like a younger sister, a younger blacker sister: do you really have "Forsberg" shit all over your car? You know that's why you get crazy ass bitches following you, right? OK, that's not the main thing I wanted to say. The main thing is that I don't want to see anymore grown men cry. They managed to hide their tears, but I could tell that a lot of people were disappointed when we didn't get you in every game. Try to take care of yourself, okay?

Oh, and I know they whipped our asses, but could you help the Swedes on the Detroit Red Wings with their English? I don't know who these sports announcer guys are trying to impress with their fancy let's-pretend-I-went-to-a-good-college-and-could-have-been-a-real-journalist "talk", but it ain't working on me. I think it was the guy I've decided to hate, Kyle Keefe, interviewing a very huge, very pale, very very sweaty Swede who's name I totally forgot. Awkward!

I think this: If you know a dude just came here, use small words!

But you know me and my meddlesome attitude. And my rather ridiculous verbosity. Take care!

Love,
Your (and apparently everybody else's, too) Sister, Lexa

Stark Sands Fan Community