Puckbunnies, To and About...

New fan here, remember? Well, I knew that there are chicks who follow other athletes around. And musicians of course have groupies. But for some reason, it never occurred to me that there were women throwing themselves at the snaggle-toothed motherfuckers known as profesional hockey players. It freaked me out slightly, like finding a whole international club of people who collect themed thimbles. So these chicks are called puckbunnies.

Here's what I have to say about them and please forgive the intellectual depth. If it's a problem maybe you should consider an education enrichment course at your local community college. Numbers belong with like numbers. A woman who is a 7 belongs with a man who is a 7, or another woman who's a 7 (I love gay people). Dating away from your number indicates a problem with you. We all thought that Julia Roberts was a crazy stupid bitch for being with Lyle Lovett. Sorry, but dude was slightly fug. When someone very attractive gets with someone not as attractive, it's "proof" that Pretty Polly is covered in scars from self-cutting or Wow Cal has a ridiculously teeny weeny.

We belong with like numbers but our society has a time honored tradition of allowing men to substitute wealth for a few lacking numbers. Look at Donald Trump. Imagine the kind of wife (okay, wives) he'd have if he was an accountant. Ok, even if he owned a large waste hauling company in a major metropolitan area, I doubt he'd have the same caliber as what he's had. I'm not trying to dog players, but remember that numbers are supposed to match. From the outisde looking in, I don't wonder for very long why any woman who is a 9-10 is into a 5-6 who happens to play professional sports. Hey, he deserves pretty, too, but I hope that that 5-6 is something she's after (with a money bonus) and not completely substituting the money for the man to derive a score equal to her own.

A bit deep, I know, but I was trying to tackle this issue a few days ago and I still don't get it. I overthink everything. That was about puckbunnies and now, if you'll forgive me, I'd like to address them directly.

Bitches:
* jerseys are not flattering on anybody; stop lying with clothing that you are a fan when you are just trying to dick-hop into a better life
* but if it's jersey vs. tank top please wear the jersey; it's cold in the stands and we don't want to see all that
* please stop posting nasty pictures of yourselves online; decent people are surfing during breaks in our legitimate and legal work and you're getting us in trouble
* don't even try to go "backstage", it's nasty to offer sex to someone surrounded by his teammates, media types, wives/girlfriends, kids, support staff and coach (it's like eating candy in class, did you really bring enough for everybody?)

Sorry to be mean to you, but you make it really difficult for women NOT into slobbing knobs to get people to believe that we might actually be trying to get into the game (rather than someone's pants). Or to be taken seriously when we finally get some belief going on. I may have to fight the next user of that retarded advice to "leave it to the big boys".

Oh, and I'm not a woman-hater. Hockey players you better stop being nasty, too. You know internet is everywhere and every time now, right? The best thing about puckbunnies is that they are infinitely entertaining so at least we get information from them that we shouldn't have. And I am nosey!

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